A post about wanting to have sex and not wanting to have chronic pain

I’ve mentioned my chronic pain before, but only briefly. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a few years but within the last year my pain has gotten much worse and has interfered with my ability to enjoy sex, both alone and with Liam. Besides the physical pain itself, my depression and anxiety play a big role in that too. I’d like to start talking about these things more in depth and expand the conversation about chronic pain and mental illness and sex. I am far from the first person to blog about this, for example JoEllen Notte and Crista Anne have both written a lot of great posts about this sort of thing, but I also want to share my experience with y’all and join the discussion.

So, when I say I have chronic pain I mean my body feels tense and achy most of the time and tires easily. My joints hurt, I get migraines, and sometimes simple tasks like making a cup of tea cause debilitating back spasms. That is no bueno when you’re trying to get your sexy on. And I want to work on reviews quicker but it’s difficult when I’m feeling that way. When it comes to sex toys, a lot of days it’s just so much easier to use my reliable We-Vibe Salsa or the conveniently long-handled Shibari Halo Wand than to try new stuff and hope it feels good and doesn’t make me hurt more. That being said, I’m still dedicated to blogging — I’m going to be participating in Epiphora and JoEllen‘s class this month! — so expect more reviews soon.

I don’t know yet what’s causing these problems or how I can best treat/cope with it. Not having answers is incredibly frustrating. I am searching for a new doctor now and to be honest I’m feeling a bit discouraged. It reminds me of when I was trying to find an antidepressant that worked for me and I spent over a year trying to get it all sorted out until I finally found the right one.

On top of it all, hurting all the time and having no energy can be as exhausting mentally as it is physically. I’ve done a pretty damn good job of dealing with my depression and anxiety for well over a year now, but I notice myself feeling down a lot more since my pain has worsened. As I was struggling to put a fucking sock on today I was thinking “I’m in my early 20s, is this just going to keep getting worse? Is this what my whole life will be like?” I’m thankful I have so many supportive and understanding people in my life because without them this would all be a million times harder.

During the next few weeks, as I mentioned above, I will be participating in the Business of Blogging about Sex class which I’m super stoked about. I’m also going to be working on reviews which I am terribly behind on. You can also expect to see more posts like this one but maybe not for a while. If there’s anything in particular you’d like to see posts about, feel free to give me some ideas in the comments, or send us an email!

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  • Camryn Jones

    Thank you for sharing this. It’s a very important conversation and it’s nice to know you’re not alone.