If I had to describe The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy in three words I would say, “thorough, practical, and exciting.” However, I must admit that I didn’t see the appeal initially, when I first heard about the book. My first thought was “why do you need a guide for sexual fantasies? Just use your imagination, right?” You might be thinking that, too. But after reading a couple reviews, and reminding myself that it is written by the very awesome Violet Blue, I decided that it did sound like a potentially interesting read. And it is.
This guide is about so much more than some sexy ideas that you may or may not choose to make a reality. As I read it I realized how little I actually discovered and explored my own fantasies. Each chapter covers a different type of fantasy; maybe introducing you to something you never considered before, or perhaps expanding an existing fantasy. Either way, each chapter provides tons of suggestions and practical steps to help you turn those fantasies into reality in whatever way works best for you. The book includes ideas for how to incorporate your fantasies when you’re alone, with a partner, and even for “threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes.”
I like that the information in the book is written for everyone, regardless of their relationship status or type of relationship. The language used is inclusive and, although it does seem to be aware that there are probably more women than men reading a book like this, it tends to be gender-neutral or switches between pronouns. The author also takes into account the fact that people have varying levels of comfort when it comes to the topics discussed. Acting out a fantasy of having sex with multiple partners doesn’t have to mean doing something “extreme” like participating in an orgy if you’re not comfortable with that (but you totally could if you want to!) and Blue suggests other ways you could indulge in the fantasy. For example, you could entertain the idea of having a threesome by verbally creating the scenario with your partner instead of actually having sex with a third person. Or, if you’re all alone you can use sex toys to simulate it.1 Her advice ranges from basic to more “advanced” so virtually everyone can take advantage of the book’s wealth of information.
The book also covers topics such as talking to your partner about your fantasies, setting up a BDSM scene or initiating a role-play scenario, practicing safer sex, and coping with feelings of guilt or shame we may experience in response to some of the things that turn us on. Blue really goes beyond the fantasies themselves and addresses many of the questions, concerns, and emotions that may be involved with sexual fantasies.
Here are the chapters, in case you’re wondering what exactly is inside:
Choose Your Own Adventure
Fantasies for One
Fantasies for Two
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes
Weaving a Spell: Striptease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage
Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girls—for Two
Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M Fantasies
The book also includes a foreword by Carol Queen, Ph.D, short erotic stories by Alison Tyler that are relevant to each chapter, and a list of resources for each topic discussed in the book.
As comprehensive as this guide is, I did find one thing that is missing. In the chapter titled “Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M fantasies” there is almost no mention of aftercare. Aftercare is a crucial component of acting out BDSM fantasies and I think it is especially important for people who may be trying out this sort of fantasy for the first time, as some people realize their fantasy didn’t quite make them feel the way they imagined it would. Blue does a wonderful job of explaining BDSM to people who may not know much about it yet, but if this is the primary fantasy that you are interested in exploring, I would suggest reading Tristan Taormino’s 50 Shades of Kink as well.
Like fellow reviewer Krissy, I thought I’d be reading this book more for my readers than for myself—boy was I wrong! As I read this book I was able to let my own fantasies develop and grow, learned how I could actually “use” them, and even got some brand new ideas for fantasies and elements of some that I hadn’t considered before. If you have doubts about the usefulness of this guide, I urge you to reconsider! If you were already interested, then what are you waiting for? Go buy it!
THANK YOU Cleis Press for sending us this book in exchange for our honest review!
- There’s even a super hot short story by Alison Tyler about this at the end of the chapter! [↩]