Ophoria Finger Vibe (is this thing on?)

Note: this toy is discontinued. The VeDO Uni is identical, though.

When I ordered some things from The-Shop-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named a while back I realized I had a free gift from signing up for their newsletter. The free gift was the Ophoria Finger Vibe. It’s a basic and straightforward kind of toy. Slender, short, silicone, with a tip that looks like it could provide nice pinpoint clitoral stimulation.

Part of the appeal for me was that it comes in unique colors (e.g. orange and blue). Since I didn’t get to choose the color myself, I was thinking “Oh god, please don’t send me pink.” When I got my package and opened it I was disappointed that the color I received was in fact pink.

ophoriafv3After I was done being bummed out about the color I played around with it a bit. The silicone feels soft and squishy, the finger loop is very flexible and comfortable – so far so good. But then I realized the teeny tiny “bullet” lives in the top by the loop, meaning that the actual vibration is happening nowhere near where it should (hint: it should be at the tip). I wasn’t expecting much anyway, based on the size (what is this, a bullet for ants?), but come on now.

The batteries were already in place (and it comes with 4 extras) so all I needed to do was press the button to turn the (microscopic) “bullet” on. I was surprised at how quiet it was. It has one setting, which seemed weak and buzzy. My expectations were becoming reality.

The first time I tried it out, I confirmed my strong suspicions about its buzzy weakness. I had slipped my finger through the loop and, knowing that the tip wasn’t gonna do shit for me, instead pressed it flat against my clit waiting to see what would happen. I could hardly feel anything. Actually, it tickled a little bit. Also, because of the nature of the loop, it feels awkward to hold it this way despite its flexibility. I tried holding it between my finger and thumb, but that just dulled the vibration even more.

I decided that maybe if this little thing wasn’t (even remotely) satisfactory for external stimulation, maybe it could do at least a little something with shallow insertion during foreplay. I mean, it’s about the size of a finger, but it vibrates, so why not try it? It seemed better suited for this anyway, because with the finger loop the way it is, it seems more natural to hold it in this position.ophoriafv2 We had a little fun with it this way but not enough that we’ve ever used it outside of trying it out.

Bottom line is I’m glad I didn’t have to pay money for this toy. With its laughably weak vibrations it’s just not worth it. I mean, I need strong vibration to actually have an orgasm when using a toy, but I would be genuinely surprised if even the most sensitive of women would find the vibrations from this pleasing. It has the potential for some foreplay fun, but it’s really not much to write home about. The Ophoria Finger Vibe is just kind of sad, and not even in an endearing Eeyore way. I would even be hesitant to recommend this for folks who are new to sex toys because I’m afraid they would be so let down that they would give up on sex toys for good! The two good things I have to say about it are that it is fairly quiet and made of silicone.

For as inexpensive as it is (around $10) I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad deal if you do want to try it, but really there are better things you could buy. Save your ten bucks and see a movie instead. Or buy two foot-long sandwiches or something. You get the idea.

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